What Now? Starting Couples Counseling After an Affair or Infidelity
Simply defined, infidelity is unfaithfulness in a relationship. But what does this mean? Sometimes, infidelity involves a partner having a physical relationship with someone outside of the relationship. Sometimes, no physical cheating occurs, but one partner is involved in an emotional or cyber affair that makes them no longer invested in the relationship. Other times, partners have differing opinions of what infidelity is – for example, one partner may consider viewing pornography as cheating, while the other partner sees it as completely acceptable – and that misunderstanding has serious consequences on the relationship. No matter the specific circumstances, though, the root of infidelity lies in one partner feeling betrayed.
When it Comes to Affair/Infidelity Recovery
After finding out that a partner was unfaithful, individuals are often left feeling angry, heartbroken, devastated, and alone. They may be asking themselves questions like…
- How could they do this to me?
- Can I forgive them for this?
- Should I move out?
- Does this relationship stand a chance?
- Do we get a divorce?
- What now?
They may feel that with the loss of trust, there is no way that the relationship can continue. While this may be true for some couples, there are also countless success stories of couples who have worked together after infidelity and came out stronger than before through couples counseling. While the faithful partner may believe that it shouldn’t be on them to solve the problem, the truth is that after an affair, both partners need to work together if they want to preserve the relationship.
What Can Couples Therapy Do for You After an Affair?
After an affair or infidelity, working with an experienced couples counselor can help you move forward in a number of ways. You can:
- Repair and rebuild trust
- Come to a better understanding of the underlying problems that led to infidelity
- Gain insight as to what it takes to keep a relationship going strong
- Learn to healthily communicate your needs
- Define what cheating means to you and set appropriate boundaries
- Start the path to forgiveness
Of course, not every couple who enters marriage therapy or couples counseling after an affair ends up staying together. In some cases, couples may feel that the trust will never fully be regained or that the pre-existing issues that led to infidelity are too deep to fix. Even in these cases, though, couples can find relationship closure, break up more civilly and feel more confident about the decision to break off the relationship knowing that they sought out a couples therapist. The time you’ve both invested in the relationship deserves a decision based on clear-headed, non-emotional, and thoughtful decision-making.
Expertise in Couples and Marriage Counseling
When it comes to couples therapy, it is very important to work with a seasoned mental health professional that has expertise and confidence in treating couples. This can, however, be difficult to find. There are many therapists out there who say they offer couples and marriage therapy, but couples counseling is a specialized field. It has many differences from individual counseling, and you need a marriage counselor who understands what those differences are – someone who knows couples, relationships, and the nuances of helping couples who are working through infidelity.
Dr. Jenn Self is a therapist with nearly 20 years of experience working with couples, including a doctoral degree in couples and family therapy, I am highly qualified to assist you and am passionate about helping all types of couples (e.g., married, partnered, LGBT, polyamorous). Read more about her below!
Begin Couples and Marriage Counseling in St. Petersburg, Florida
If you and your partner are ready to address infidelity head-on and begin healing your relationship through couples or marriage therapy, our relationship counselors can help in our St. Pete counseling office. Contact us today to get started.
Is one of you still unsure about starting marriage counseling? Learn about the benefits of couples and marriage counseling, what to expect from couples counseling, and how to talk to a partner who is resistant to marriage counseling on our mental health blog. As always, please feel free to call us at 727-344-9867 for consultation.
Don’t wait before it’s too late to save your relationship. There is no better time than the present to begin working with a couples therapist. Even in worst-case scenarios of betrayal like infidelity or an affair, a couple’s therapist can help you rediscover hope, joy, and love with your partner.
